Spherical objects. Round things. I can’t get enough of them. Footballs, golf balls – have you ever chewed one of those apart? Boy, that’s a lot of elastic. Rubber balls, tennis balls…tennis balls…tennnisss balllsss…tennis…Sorry, drifted off for a moment there.

I think I may have an addiction.

My human is definitely unimpressed with my fondness for round things. I suspect this is due to the numerous times she’s been dragged across parks, fields and busy roads to pick up a stray football. I see this as a public duty; clearing the streets of unwanted items. Who could object to that? They should give me a medal. Or a football.In fact, I think a big league football club should recruit me. I’d be cheaper than half the numpties who skip about hugging each other and rolling around pretending to die in agony. Their club scores would shoot up if I played for them, although they may need to replace a few burst footballs now and then, and I could accidentally chew up the ref’s red card.

If you suspect you have a similar problem vis-à-vis the aforementioned spherical objects, then here is a checklist. Have you ever:

A – Stopped traffic while you attempted to pick up a semi-deflated beach ball?
B – Slept with three or more tennis balls about your person and at least one in your mouth?
C – Mugged small children in public places for their football?
D – Have a dozen or more round things secreted about your human’s garden?

If you answered ‘Yes, by God!’ to three or more then you have a problem.

I think I may have a problem.

According to my human – and she’s no expert, believe me – this is something to do with my prey drive. I didn’t even know I had one. I wonder how many gears I’ve got? Hope I have ABS at the very least. Anyway, isn’t prey supposed to be small furry creatures? If I had to choose between a squirrel and a new tennis ball there would be no contest.

Hello new ball. Adios, Tufty.

So I say embrace your addiction. And if you want to add to your collection, then hang around school playing fields and prepare to run fast.

Ciao for now.
Elvis.

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